Holy Mary mother of Bad Art

Dedham, Mass (not pronounced DEAD HAM I was informed). Hosts a lively little art museum MOBA (the museum of bad art). I have yet had the luxury of venturing to this hot spot but I did browse some of their fine art pieces via the internet. My favorite among the displayed was MADONNA WITH SMILE.



Apparently the piece was picked up at a church sale. HOW AMAZINGLY PROFOUND. I'm not really sure why Monseigneur O'Connel would let go of an amazing piece of art.

The most peculiar thing is the museum isn't sure if this piece was a collaboration between artists. The website gives a view of the "Compelling Detail" seen here... The finely tuned strokes of the felt tip marker are incredible!




If you ask me... I'm no professional... This is how I think this piece came about...
I think Monseigneur was tired of the drab late 1960s religious relics sitting around his church. He wanted to modernize the look and feel of god's house. He takes a time out from chatroulette.com and goes over to

http://www.worldmarket.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4030214&CAWELAID=505321095.

There he buys himself a modern manufactured carving of the holy virgin and places it somewhere on display.

Here's where the "artistic collaboration" takes place. After 15 years of catholic school I think I got a handle on this situation....

Every friday the catholic school demons are forced to sit and listen to Monseigneur (insert Irish last name here) babble on for about an hour about nothing that they could possibly grasp (church should be in the form of a WII game for proper brainwashing... but that's another blog).

On the way to sitting, boy girl assigned seating in 4th grade mrs. Holy Moles Ruler Slapping class, little Timmy, adorned with felt tip black sharpie snatches up Monseigneur (insert Irish last name here)'s Minimalist wooden virgin and draws in a finely constructed sharpie smily face. After mass is over he hides it so he's not in any blame for the defecation(is that the correct word) of the religious relic... which was actually a sin to sell or have religious iconography back in the day (i think). A couple years later church wants to buy new wooden Modonna's. Finds Timmy's art work and puts it up for sale... Bam Boom Bang.... Timmy along with Cost Plus World Market are now famous in the Museum of Bad art.

Museum of bad art : http://www.museumofbadart.org/collection/portraiture-6.html


and yes.... I am going to hell

Earthquakes, Volcanos, and Bee's. OH MY!

I was recently enlightened by a good friend that there is alarming amount... some might even call it an invisible holocaust (or i might call it that)..... of bee's dying. You say "YAY" I say "No bees! No Trees!" Granted I might be a gazillion times bigger then the little needle waving creature, but I still scream and run whilst the little bugger chases me down.

So What the Holy Moses is going on!!! Earthquakes every where, Volcanoes Erupting, Floods, Tornados, Cyclones. I'm NOT a skeptic my dear friends. You may laugh at me now. You may laugh at me while I figure out a way to build an impenetrable eco habitat (see BIO Dome) with magical forcefield. Almost like a snow globe that if it gets washed away into the sea it will float. If it catches on fire... well, it WONT! If god's holy crusaders try to smite it... they will not be able to!
And you can laugh at me on December 21 2012 while pee runs down my leg and I hide behind my clothes hanging in my closet.

or you can just laugh at this guy swallowing bees...

Dat's Just my Baby Daddy

Ok while taking Working extremely hard in my Grey Cubicle wonderland today I stumbled upon this IDENTIGENE. Can't afford the hefty bills of Medical Lab DNA testing? Your story not juicy enough to be a guest on the Maury Povich show? Not to Worry.... IDENTIGENE!!!!



What's that you say? IDENTIGENE. Yes its a paternity test you can buy at your local pharmacy. This magical test kit found on the shelf at Walgreen's for less than $30.00, which included a 'cheek swab' for both the parent and child DNA sampling. So next time your Baby Mama pops out a little one with a odd racial "birth defect" take a trip over to your local Walmart and grab up a box of IDENTIGENE!

One thing came to my mind when I saw this.......

I Want to Stay in Tall Chinese Men!

Holy 3 Chinese Wise Men Batman! This is the Tianzi Hotel in the Hebei Province in China. Apparently the 3 rather large men are FU LU and Shou. The meaning of their Names are fortune, Prosperity and longevity. I'm adding this one to my Bucket List. I have to have to have to Stay in the Giant peach that Shou is holding. Apparently the Peach is the Suite within the Hotel. I'm curious the what the insides look like in this place.

The closest I've ever stayed to a "Chinese" theme hotel was the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas. There were Mirrors above the bed and the giant tub (that could hold FU LU AND SHOU) in the middle of the room.

We'll since I'll be saving for this visit for a while. I'll just have to take a road trip to FantaSuite Hotel in Burnsville, Minnesota and stay in the Space Odyssey room! I wonder if they give you the space suit pj's at bed time?

ROAD TRIP!!!

I LOVE PEARS!

My favorite Fruit just became a holy spiritual leader!.... or something like that.
A Chinese farmer has invented baby Buddha-shaped pears! Farmer Gao Xianzhang has created 10,000 of the tiny fruity Buddha's. Gao spent six years perfecting the intricate baby-shaped pears, carefully crafting each one which grows inside an individual mould. The Plastic mold encloses each pears and eventually the fruit will take the shape of the mold.

This is just too much for me.... so basically I can take a mold and make fruit into any into annnnnnnnnny shape I want. Im mind is on overload right now think of the endless possibilities. Dolly Parton Peaches, Danny Bonaduce Bannanas, Oprah Shaped Oranges..... not to mention the molds you could create for the cucumber *wink wink!
I'm going to get to mold Makin' !

Why I Quit Freelancing

There is nothing I loved more then going to bed when I wanted and waking up when I wanted. I could work in coffee shops, hotels, while getting my car serviced or even airport bathrooms if I wanted. Life as a Freelancer is amazing! The downfall it's not 9-5 it's 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Heaven forbid you go to the movies and have your phone turned off for 2 hours. That I could handle. But it was people like this that made me go back into the corporate world......

Enjoy

How Did I miss out on this?

It was recently introduced to something by a 10 year old girl playing with a Dandelion Flower. The little girl was forcing the dandelion underneath her chin and grabbing at her mother for attention. She was saying over and over "Is my face yellow... do I like butter?" Finally the mother interjected after the little girl jammed the flower under her mother's chin and shouted "YOU LIKE BUTTER." I was so confused by this. Apparently everyone in the room knew exactly what the little girl was doing. I was beyond infatuated with the subject and quickly demanded the little A.D.D. driven child to come hoist that crumpled little flower underneath my chin.

The results: I LIKE BUTTER.

Where was I when this childhood game was being played? Is this a northern thing?
We had Dandelion's in Florida... as a matter of fact I learned that the yellow flower is a phase of those pooffy ball flowers that I used to get dizzy by blowing out my lungs just to make a wish that would most likely not come true. But I never had the pleasure of my chubby little childhood chin turning yellow by a ferociously growing weed.

Doing research during 330 Sauna here in my cube I came across this video.... I have no clue what the hell this is??? Maybe someone would like to explain this child hood game as well.



Pretty morbid childhood game if you asked me. I think I preferred Red Rover. I really liked close-lining kids as a child. Which reminds me of something else....

Two weeks ago I went on a mini vacation to Mystic, CT. Cute town. Well, on the way to Mystic Pizza I noticed a group of children playing Red Rover on the concrete. All girls ages 6 to maybe 11. There was one Mom "Chaperon" of the 8 or so girls. I look at my girlfriend and said "Watch this shit" I knew exactly what event was going to take place next. The tiniest girl of the bunch ran straight across the cement into the row of Red Roverers. What does she do... she picks the 2 most husky of all the girls to run towards. She hurdles herself into their locked arms. Chin gets caught mid forearm purposely close-lining herself into the cement! I held back my laughter as hard as I could. The girl starts wailing. Mom comes running. Mind you there was a patch of grass 2 feet to the left of the girls. Mom, being intelligent as she is, might of suggested using it before the game started.

FIN

**Disclaimer: I am not an English major. I received a C average in grammar classes my entire life. If it weren't for spell check I wouldn't even know how to spell the word 'receive' correctly. So don’t hate on my run-on sentences and grammatical misfortune.

What happened to the Toys in MY Cocoa Krispies?

At what point in my 27 years of maturity (mostly immaturity) did the greedy money grubbing corporate suits of Kellogg’s take away my shiny cereal dust covered toy?

I would hand pick my favorite brand of cereal by the select prize I would receive when I contaminated my family’s breakfast by shoving my dirty little fingers down to the bottom of the box. The boxes lined the grocery isle with gloriously horrific typeface that only a child would love shouting FREE TOY INSIDE. These toys weren’t made of cardboard. I didn’t have to mail in 23 UPC codes and send 10$ for shipping and handling to get my Miley Cyrus temporary Tattoo.

Now the huge incentive is how this Cereal will support my child’s Immunity or is Now better tasting. Who cares about the immunity? Better tasting? I guess the advertising world is over marketing to a whinny 6 year olds who would scream until they got what they wanted or parents don’t give in as easily as they used too.

So during my break from designing today I researched this … now I only have like 15 – 20 minutes to do so but this is the information I came across:

There have been instances where companies have had to recall boxes of cereal due to toys not being safe for children, such as Kellogg's recall in 2005 due to a unsafe Mercury battery. Also, perhaps it is an easy way for companies to reduce costs.

WHAT Moron would put a Mercury battery in a something the would be ingested into little kids. The average price of a box of cereal in the United States is $3.00 a box. This varies greatly based on type and location. I pay a lot more then that for cereal. The cost of these toys is probably less then 50 cents.

Here’s my solution. Save money by firing the idiots with the “ingenious” ideas of placing toys in products that may be hazardous to your health in MY Cocoa Krispies and bring back the “Safe” toys that we all grew up with.

NOW!

**Disclaimer: I am not an English major. I received a C average in grammar classes my entire life. If it weren't for spell check I wouldn't even know how to spell the word 'receive' correctly. So don’t hate on my run-on sentences and grammatical misfortune.